I have them and they’re awful.
1. I’ve cussed out my annoying coworker about 1,000 times in my head already. We’ve only worked together 3 times.
2. I farted in the toy aisle of Target or the baby section, not sure. I’m very forgetful lately.
3. I’ve wished for time machines to exist and in my head I’ve changed my life a thousand different ways.
Also, I’ve just been wishing. Not for anything specific so I guess it’s just mostly sighing and hopeful dreaming of things that will never come true.
I’m embarrassed to write this. I feel dirty.
1. Hair. I tend to pull and pick at my hair all night long. There was a ton of it, everywhere. My hair loss is so bad.
2. Half eaten pouches of baby food.
3. A rotten banana. Gross.
4. Socks, socks, and more socks.
6. Toddler shoes.
7. Hair ties, pins, products.
8. Bottle caps, beer caps.
9. Part of a pbj sandwich.
I need to go take a shower.
Clean your couches. More than once every 3 months.
1. I’ve been wearing the same pair of shorts a la Britney Spears circa 2010 for the past week. You know, the ones with the pockets showing? I’m a classy lady.
2. I ate a chocolate bar at Target. It was gross, didn’t pay for it.
3. I saw pictures of people I used to be friends with in real life on some trip and thought to myself, what a bunch of fucking assholes. We’re now just Facebook friends, whatever that means.
4. I thought about throwing a chancla at my kids just for kicks.
5. I still hate my fiance’s mom. I’m not even going to go there with that story.
6. I’ve been consumed by gluttony.
7. I want to go away for a weekend. BY MYSELF. No kids, no snoring fiance.
8. I punched my fiance last night. In his sleep.